No one knows you better than the Internet


As I turn the corner onto week two of this incessant cold/stuffy nose/phlegmy cough (who knew “phlegm” was spelled like that?)/pink-eye/fever/basically-I’m-dying, I have resorted yet again to the one activity I can manage to do in spite of it all: casually browse the web.

I have come to realize that the internet is like your best friend. It is always there for you. When you are feeling blue and lonely, or just went through a breakup, it is already waiting with a generated playlist of gazing-out-the-window-in-the-rain songs, or a list of ways to get sweet, sweet revenge on your ex.  It always knows all the latest gossip and rumors when you kinda feel trash-talking, and will tell you when others have complimented  your new haircut pic! When you are feeling sick, it will try (though failingly) to diagnose you and offer you homemade remedies. When you are hungry, it always has the perfect recipe for what you are in the mood for. When you are bored, it will make you laugh with stupid cat videos and british babies who bite their brother’s fingers, and when you are feeling happy and energetic, it will take you shopping until your eyes are sore! Now tell me a better friend than that.

As I mentioned, I am still pretty sick and have nothing to do because all my friends either work or have lives. Which I completely understand! They can’t afford to waste time reading magazines, watching movies and baking cookies with their funny, witty, sickly friend–they have more fun things to do! So, I opened up Google Chrome to check my email when what would appear but an ad for Urban Outfitters. I love Urban!  is my immediate thought, followed by Oh Internetty, you really know me so well. A second glance at the ad and I realize it’s not a picture of just any random Urban Outfitters garment, but THREE pictures of THE EXACT jacket I had talked myself out of buying yesterday! Okay, I don’t know about you, but that is a little creepy… I’ve always known the internet had a feel for the things that interested me based on my numerous google searches, but I never thought it knew more about me than any actual friend! And I certainly never expected it would A) MEMORIZE WHAT I WANTED TO ORDER and B) come back and taunt me with it the next day! I can only imagine what other things it has remembered…. 

But seriously, pretty creepy and kind of a bitch move, Internetty. I think we need some space for a while.

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